?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
18 March 2002 @ 04:08 pm
 
Mggh ...

I'm going to the library after dinner to look up some stuffages to do my research responses on for tomorrow ... I wish I had my books here, but they won't arrive until at least tomorrow at the earliest, maybe Wednesday ... I could just pick a story and respond to that for one, but alas, I have not that luxury. I hate research papers ... I expect my teacher will hate me, or at least be very frightened, for this is at least the fourth subject I've selected in the past three weeks with deadlines drawing near, particularly the one for the presentation. --;

Which reminds me ... before dinner I need to whip up some posters for the LARP committee ... meeting's at nine, but I don't know if I'll be back in enough time to make at least one afterwards. Well, wait. What the heck am I talking about? I hate research, so of course I'll be back in plenty of time. o_o

::sigh:: I'm too passive ... I thought it was interesting that one of my teachers had suggested the week before last that perhaps my hatred of research papers was due not to the paper itself, but probably something in my mind ... then a week later I'm on stuff for depression and panic attacks.

He asked me what new thing I was going to do, new positive thing. I had no idea. I'm supposed to think about it and tell him next Monday. I have no idea. I don't want to go outside. He wants me to meet ten people from my class. I don't want to, I hate talking to people ... I realize that he can't make me do things, but he's trying to help ... grrr ... I don't know what to do ... I hate talking to people other than my friends ... especially new people ... it seems nothing of that nature has worked out recently ...

I'm picking up my mother's habit of never ending a sentence, just tacking in three dots whenever I feel like it and moving on.

I didn't make the cut for JMS ... though they assured me in their letter that it was a close competition (isn't it always?) ... not sure whether I'm happy about that or not. I didn't really want to make it ... but I kind of did ... I hate failure ...

I must be the cart at the supermarket that only turns to the left and cannot go right. I don't know ... I guess it must be that one thing alone cannot fix me. Drugs alone won't do it, myself alone won't do it. I'm such a dork ... ugh ...

Ok ... I guess it's time to balance out all that bad with something good ... I'm now the co-GM for Factory Default RPG ... I got accepted into the Escaflowne RPG over at AB, not like I was expecting to be denied. I like my character, although I'm a bit unsure of how she responds yet, and of course since I have yet to see Escaflowne, not sure of the series itself. But I think I have the basic bones of what I need to know figured out ...

I'm kind of hungry ...

I kind of want to curl up ...

Eh, more good news ... er ... I've started talking to Crakka now ... he's fun to talk to ... good to share bad pictures with ... and you know, now that I think about it, I've accomplished one of the goals I had when I joined AB ... which was becoming friends with Fairybane and Nairohe, and their friends too ...

I have (finally) the next NieA_7 DVD ... haven't watched it yet, though ...
 
 
Current Mood: distresseddistressed
Current Music: ... "Making of a Cyborg," Ghost in the Shell