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12 July 2006 @ 09:40 pm
Pirates of our Pocketbooks  
The very good:
1.) Repeatedly shooting the monkey. Can somebody explain to me how the thing is still immortal, though it was clearly stated in the last film that the curse was lifted?
2.) Kiera Knightley with two swords!!
3.) Kiera Knightley with two swords!!


And now for the rest.

I was mystified by the beautiful beginning and occasionally amused by certain moments, but I really spent most of my time simply admiring the attractive members of cast, who were made all the more appealing by the addition of piratewear. Alas, when I did pay attention to more meaningful aspects, I felt the sequel lacked the irreverant, humorous nature of its predecessor. Nobody thought the first would be worth shit, but because the concept was so flagrantly stupid, it chemically reacted with Johnny Depp's prowess, and the resulting concoction totally jived. By attempting to repeat the accidental success enjoyed by "Curse of the Black Pearl," they overanalyzed things and missed the mark with "Dead Man's Chest." It was like they were taking themselves too seriously, or as my mother says, "they were acting like themselves rather than being themselves." More Depp, more humor, and less Kraken smashing things, please?

I found the cannibal sequence to be totally unnecessary, making the movie much longer than it needed to be. I suppose they were trying to top zombie pirates, but there is really no match. Davy Jones also seemed like they were trying very hard to top Barbossa, and the shellfish crew, while clever, just didn't have the same crazy factor as the undead sailors.

Captain Jack Sparrow's character worked best, I felt, in a comedic setting like the first, but this movie was much darker. While he was still as hot, he just didn't have the same zing this time around.

I was impressed by how rigidly bitter Norrington became.

I really, really wanted to kick Elizabeth when she kissed Sparrow, though I do not know how else she would have chained him to the mast. I cannot pretend that her motivation was that alone, however! I guess in the end, despite any attraction derived from Sparrow's odd mannerisms and awesome piratey accessorizing, I am firmly in the camp of Will Turner, Jr. He's honest, passionate, skilled and probably bathes more frequently than the Captain does!

I have come to the conclusion that as long as he is not the leading male, Orlando Bloom can do whatever he damn well pleases ... he could be a bump on a log, and he won't be a detraction to the movie as far as I'm concerned! Cute slender guy with long hair? I'll watch that.

I can't remember the strange witch woman's name, but I am forever going to refer to her as the "plot hole lady," so it doesn't matter.

The rum schtick got old.

They're going to have to deal with the following major issues before I'll be satisfied:
1.) Resolve the angst created between Elizabeth and Will Turner, Jr. (and clarify her resolve to marry him).
2.) Rescue Sparrow from the maw of the Kraken.
3.) Explain how the effing hell Barbossa is alive, as he totally bit the dust at the end of the last movie. Blood spouting from a clear shot to the heart? Hello? DEAD?
4.) "Punish" Norrington for pursuing his own ambition at the cost of the freedom of pirates (and in fact, of trade altogether with).
5.) Kill, incapacitate, or control Davy Jones through his heart or his past.
6.) Address the future or the end of Will Turner Sr.
7.) Have some racial diversity in the swamp inhabitants.
8.) Have some good asskicking at the expense of the East India Trading Company.

I got bored with the Emobiona doodle and started other stuff. This is what I'm working on right now. I, err, went a little overboard with outlining ... it'll be interesting to see if I can rescue this. This portrait revisits Thira Rhorn, who wears some sort of bizarre shell on her head. This seems easier to justify when you consider that it used to be a part of her head. She also used to be blue. She's become increasingly more human over the years ... though I think I miss the 80s-esque side ponytail.

Finally, here is a picture from my cousin's June wedding. I am blindingly pale in it (I believe that is my arm though it is so flat), but you can still see a bit of my dress. The woman in aqua across from me is my stepmother.

Lenaburg has been accidentally perfect for about five days now. No one is allowed to move out, and in order to limit the temptation my stupid townsfolk might suffer from, the gates are going to be closed until perfection suddenly ceases or the golden watering can is obtained. Butch thought he could leave whenever he wanted, but he was wrong. Oh so very wrong.
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hazmatlatte on July 13th, 2006 01:42 am (UTC)
about the monkey... I believe at the end of the first movie, it took another gold coin... after the curse was lifted and whatnot. I could be wrong...
One Who Wanders: zidaneabiona on July 13th, 2006 01:47 am (UTC)
Thanks. I'll have to watch it again. All I could remember of the monkey was it hitting a cannon and falling off when Elizabeth snuck onto the boat to free the crew.
Drubyd on July 13th, 2006 02:46 am (UTC)
You have to watch for the sequence after the credits. Similar to how they had a little thing at the end of the credits in Pirates II, too.
hazmatlatte on July 13th, 2006 04:21 am (UTC)
No, I'm almost sure it took a coin at the very very very very very end... maybe right after the credits too????
ex_erikadoor819 on July 13th, 2006 04:17 pm (UTC)
The monkey did it all. I remember yelling after watching it because I despised that monkey.


Now, you know me and my obsession with slender, dark-haired boys, but you can keep Bloom. Something about him strikes me as trying too hard. If he ends up a Scientologist, I wouldn't be at all surprised.
One Who Wanders: thinkageabiona on July 13th, 2006 10:17 pm (UTC)
Thanks, I'll keep 'im in my closet.
My impression is that the industry is trying way too hard to package him as an attractive, clean-cut leading male that they can market for years to come, and he's not ready for it. Bloom is pretty much trying to keep his head above the waters. He hadn't the chance to develop any skill other than hotness before the People in Charge saw how fangirls (at the time, myself included) jumped all over Legolas, and it's been a written road for him since then.

I'd rather he become a Scientologist than succumb to other pressures and destroy himself with food, drugs or alcohol.