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22 April 2002 @ 11:53 pm
 
Ngg ... I can't find focus ... it's midnight and seven a.m. draws near, and yet I still haven't begun to write my paper for tomorrow's Critter. ^_^; I'm in the mood where I'd put it off until tomorrow even, but there's slight difficulty with that plan in the fact that I'm in classes from practically when I get up to when the draft is due. I'm not sure how to approach it ...

I added a few random LJ users to my friends list, I'm not sure why. ^_^; (Perhaps this is how I mysteriously appeared on the lists of strangers ...) I'll gladly remove them if they so wish. ^_^ Just leave a comment and it shall be done, providing Livejournal loads properly.

I really enjoyed my drawing class today ... there's just something about it that makes me feel so much better about things ... I wish it were longer than two hours. I feel so much free-er when I draw ... especially when we do more abstract stuff. I feel better about it for some reason ... and I can continue working even when I make mistakes, and I don't feel the urge to rip and crumple things. If offered a choice, I go abstract now. All colors and strokes and movement, I'll let you make of it what you will. There is beauty in realism, yes, but ... I don't know ... I feel confined whenever I try to draw realistically ... and I always hate what results.

But today, today was great. I did watercolor and pastels together, which was an interesting combination to work with. Whoever said that watercolor was a difficult medium to work with was, I think, incorrect. Their reasoning behind it was that once you put it down, it's down - therefore, you must know what you're doing and never regret it. But that's not really true ... with more water, added layers, you can change what's been put down before. I had no clue where I was going, but I went anyway. Mistakes I made I changed into something better. I even fingerpainted with my watercolors. ^^; I had so much fun with it ... and I came up with a really great piece, too. I'm very happy with it, which is unusual for perfectionist me. ^^;

Lately in class I've taken to standing rather than sitting, to allow myself a greater range of movement. Surprisingly, I've developed an affinity for getting quite messy (I've had mark off a pair of jeans as specifically for class, since I tend to get very dirty ... ^^;; ... sometimes my thighs are yellow and my knees pink, with purple marks on my arms ... you get the idea). My pastels drop particles all over the place, of course, and they smear and whatnot ... turning my hands and clothing unusual colors, making a cloud-shape on the floor beneath my feet (and sometimes I trail colorful footsteps behind me as well). You'd think that I'd be upset about this, but no ... somehow, I'm proud of it. I did that to myself, and oddly enough it's kind of pretty. I'm not afraid of those materials anymore, I can let them touch me, I am closer to becoming an artist.

In the past, I had been thinking about a photography focus in my major (cripes, I still have to fill out that change of major form ...), but I don't know ... I may drop that idea and turn entirely to drawing. Well, I can't really say that yet. I've been unable to fit in a photography course in my schedule ... grrr ... the earliest I can do it, it seems, is next summer. I hope that's not too late.

It's rather interesting, I think. Many people feel rushed, since it is nearing the end of the semester. Given how much I've been assigned and how much I procrastinate, I should feel just as rushed as they. But I don't ... at times I feel as though I'm being pushed up against a wall by a current at my back, and it is crushing my breastbone against the hard surface ... but I never feel rushed. Just pressured ... and that is easy enough to deal with. Merely pick up and move on ... just get up and go.
 
 
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