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05 June 2003 @ 05:00 pm
Still 12 and 20.  
Yesterday saw me down in the dumps, reaching its lowest point at around one a.m. or so when I couldn't sleep, and as I realized that although I am no longer angry over certain situations, I'm still not over them. I felt as though I had failed to prove myself, and I felt still as though "for all my potential, I turned out to be quite ordinary." I felt horrible about myself, thought I was annoying all about me by being a useless blob of a kid. I am still easily impacted by the opinions of others.

Some people think it odd that my habit every morning is to take a nice hot shower, instead of drinking a nice hot cup of coffee (the fact that I hate the taste of coffee seems odd too). But I've discovered that I am a happier person when I take daily showers, because otherwise I start getting extremely disgusted with my appearance - in particular, I hate the feel and lay of of unclean hair. I would've been an awful person to live with in the Middle Ages. XD

Filling out job applications, tralala. I met a kid from my high school graduating class while at Barnes and Noble today. The long hair he now sports sent me for a loop, but I figured out pretty quickly who he was when he recognized me almost immediately.

It seems as though when in kindergarten, I did not want to learn how to tie my shoes because I had velcro, which I was perfectly satisfied with thankyouverymuch. This relates to my current situation: I can't drive, and I don't really care. I feel no strong need to drive, and my reason(s) for learning are purely practical - it will make it easier to travel.

Ashcroft is Creepy

Niiiice image selection there. XD
Current Mood: ill
Current Music: "lovin' me, lovin' you" over and over and over again
Emily: huh?etoileeyes on June 5th, 2003 04:53 pm (UTC)
Don't sweat that feeling hun. I know exactely what you are talking about. Sometimes I don't feel as though I'm putting enough professional effort into some of my work. I feel as though I'm still in high school and that all I have to worry about are my grades and not the actual quality of my art work. Most of all I worry that I'll never grow out of putting everything off until the last minute. Everything else in which I act like a 8 year old kid in a candy store it just part of my personality and yours too. I bet you'll find some sort of driving point in your life to motivate you to do some things you should do, but don't stress over it. The driving thing is trivial, my mother didn't learn to drive until right before she was pregnant with me which was mid-twenties for her. Oh and coffee is definately an acquired taste. I only like certain types, more of a tea person myself. Pop for the caffine rush. Anyhow, I think we all need to get together and orgainize a meeting of the girls that are going to Otakon. Maybe an online chat or something?! I see that all four of us are now active on LiveJournal, so maybe now would be a good time to plan some details. If not now, then when I come into town. I'll be in Indiana for a week and can probably come up to the Bend for a day or so. The week I'll be there is July2-July9. Let me know what you all are up to. I would have posted this in Tonberry, but I didn't think I could. Get back to me Anne and I hope this little comment helped.
One Who Wanders: weirdabiona on June 5th, 2003 09:12 pm (UTC)
You should definitely come up to the Bend and stay the night! ::shakes hands as she dances around like a Korok - more info on that later:: Maybe we can get earthphoenix to stay over that night too ...