One Who Wanders (abiona) wrote,
One Who Wanders

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Art, Otakon, and Insecurity

I seem to have descended into full-fledged fuddle mode, which I find annoying. While operating in said mode, I can only work on one piece for about fifteen minutes before I get anxious and switch to another one, worrying about getting everything done. My normal habit is to pick a piece and go with it until it is "finished" or until I get extremely annoyed with it ... so this constant changing from one to the next is unusual, I think.

I just ... I don't want us to embarrass ourselves out there, or have me doom us both by inadequate preparation/skill level ... and now that the date draws ever closer, my anxiety increases. I'll probably be a wreck by Otakon, and only going and seeing for myself will solve it. I want to assure myself that I have everything together, and that things have a maximum chance of working out for us. I want us to be able to hold our own. I want to be able to hold my own! If Otakon is anything like what I remember from Anime Central 2k2, there will be some artists which completely outstrip us ... but we will be able to compete amongst the rest. Sometimes I worry that there's been some gigantic leap in the average "skill level" of anime-styled artists who show up at cons, or that an even larger, older con than ac2k2 will draw more artists of awesome talent that we cannot hold a candle to. I'm used to not being the best, but I am also used to rarely being the worst. I do not want to find myself on the bottom of the pile.

I'm fully prepared for rejection, yes. I have all my justifications planned out, am well-versed in my rationale, and have all my theories about what people do and do not like and why I don't fit that mold. (These often run something like "I should start drawing yaoi and bishounen in shoujo style and then ..." Since I dislike the idea of catering to whims like that ... I would say "no" to it, and that would explain total failure in the anime con arena! Sort of.) Or what if they do like what I do? Did I bring enough of anything with me to prepare for that outcome? XP

Nrrg. Must come to terms with uncertanties and stop being so silly ...

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