I hadn't seen him in nearly two weeks, because our schedules and habits don't always align. He is busy, this I know. I understand. But I'm allowed to have my silly crushes, right ...?
I've had a few over the years, some dumber than others. This particular one has gone on longer than the rest more or less because I don't know for sure ... that it wouldn't "work out" on one level or another. Even though my existence matters little to him, watching him makes me feel ... hopeful, sometimes.
With the others, I always quickly realized that any effort would be doomed to failure. I had a habit of developing crushes on the guys who were kind to me (kindness so rarely happened at school), irrelevant of any other consideration. But sooner or later, I would figure out that it would never work: because of what I was at the time, or where he was in the social structure, or how he thought, or whatever ... but with this one ... I just have to wonder, and regret missed opportunities. Watching him, I suspect there's something "different" there.
In the end, I know so little about you ... and my time is running so short.