One Who Wanders (abiona) wrote,
One Who Wanders
abiona

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They used to be "old hat" for me; I was fully accustomed to sleeping backstage and doing homework when I could (and eventually, when I felt like it). But the years have dulled my memory of those less than happy days, and they have also muted the sensations of such times. Bluntly put, man! I'd forgotten how brutal a four hour rehearsal can be!

General physical woes can be summed up as thus: I have a headache, I feel like my right eye is going to burn itself right out of my head, my shoulders are killing me, and damn, I'm tired. I was thusly woe-y through most of rehearsal, and my malaise was only heightened by the general stupidity of others. I've already mentioned before how much I dislike when people chatter incessantly during rehearsal ... and tonight, my hatred has been renewed. When everyone is gabbing, I simply can't hear instructions from the directors that I know pertain to me.

Very few people in real life are aware that I am partially deaf. How could they know? I've never told them, and I have never let that condition stop me or aid me. I'm fairly skilled at guessing the necessary, non-committal responses required by their facial expressions and intonation, and so others just never realize that although I know they are talking, I can't tell what they're saying. When I do question them or make up very incorrect (humorous) versions of what they just said so that they will laugh and repeat themselves, most people assume that I simply haven't been paying attention.

I don't let it stop me in day to day life, but that does not mean that it has no impact upon me. When I can't hear and I know that I need to, and especially when people won't repeat themselves or when the repetition is no more audible to me than the original, I become desperate and flustered, and I feel like I can't cope. I'm a lot better at hiding my distress than I used to be, but in reality it remains as intense as ever.

Dude, this presentation that I'm working on right now for tomorrow afternoon has been on my list of things to do for at least a month and a half. Talk about a procrastinator working by the skin of her teeth. It really is going to suck, as I have (clearly) applied little time and have little interest. For a moment, I debated not going to class (I have a rather strong hunch that many of my classmates won't show), but I know that is not the answer. I will go as I have always done before, and accept responsibility for my cruddy presentation. It is thoroughly my fault that it sucks, no way about it, and the least I can do is face up to the facts with dignity.


Andy, don't kill me, but ... I now possess FFX-2.

The beginning song had my hopes up, but they were dashed soon after by a confusing beginning and the appearance of LeBranc, your standard bitch-of-a-diva. Maybe the game will get better. I really hope it gets better, and I hope that I never again have to race anybody to the top of a ruin that I just got to the damn bottom of. As for now, I tend to leave Yuna as a "Songstress" (just admit that she's a forking pop star, songstress my rear) and have her prance around the entire time like an idiot. Don't get me wrong, "Songstress" is a very handy class for causing mass status effect. They just look really ridiculous as they mince about in the background!

Back to the presentation ...
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