Within the Sea of Sorrow (which is, if you will note, only ankle deep), we once again encountered Seymour. Or is that the Ghost of Seymour? Or the Ghost of the Ghost of Seymour? While he indulged in some over the top laughter, I pampered my team with some Overkill asskicking. If he had selected a Lightning alignment, it might not have been so easy to send him to his Sending (as there is no aeon for the opposing element of Water), but fortunately for me, he selected Fire. Diamond Dust gave me a two second, 99,999 damage solution! Let's turn on the disco lights and do the dance thing!
There were no refreshments available, so the party over Seymour's final demise was a brief one. We were forced to press on. Why, here we are in your Zanarkand of lights and excitement! If all of this is but a dream, just like you, then could it be possible that you were in Sin to begin with, Tidus? But we could not speak these thoughts, for not only was Tidus looking a little spazzed, the Sir Jecht of flashbacks and second-hand chat now stood before us! It seemed that he'd been in some amount of chiropractic woe lately, and being Sin hadn't helped one bit. "Blitzball's been hell on my spine," he said as he cracked his neck yet again. "So, as a Final Aeon, I cope by just removing my neck altogether with! Wah-hah-hah!"
Tidus, a bit put out by a number of things, pouted at that. "That's not funny." If he had to add himself to the list of martyrs doomed by Sin, well, then nobody could have a sense of humor about the situation! It would just not be fair to him.
Jecht caught sight of Auron, his old guardian buddy. "You're late," he spat.
"Yeah, well," Auron murmured. "First, you never did give me a set deadline. Two, fine plans are like fine cheeses, Jecht, they take time to mature. Ten years ago, Tidus was still a little too weepy for this kind of thing, anyway."
Tidus stamped his foot indignantly. "What!? Come on, folks, that's an unjust accusation! I already hate my dad, don't make me hate you too. Why does everyone I respect seem to think of me as a crybaby? Is it because I am a tenor!? I bet you it's just because I don't have some superdeep suave voice like Auron! But mark my words, people, if it hadn't of been for me, Yuna would've been Sinfood and the cycle would've --"
"Whatever. Let's just get this show on the road," interrupted Jecht.
The Yu Pagodas went "ZZZT!" Final Aeon Jecht, with his mighty mane, his fearsome left hand, and his oh-so-fashionable bandana-scarf, gained a terrifying new level of beefiness. "EAT STATIC ELECTRICITY, YOU LOSERS!"
Though it was certainly not the most opportune of times, Tidus could not resist the temptation to open up a bit of father-son communication. "DAD! I won't lose!! I've got the best lightning rod in Spira here with me!!!"
Auron's eyes flicked up to Masamune (or is that Murasame? No, 'tis neither of them. Oops, it seems that I let him enter into battle with the unimpressive Capture sword equipped). "I may indeed have the biggest metal weapon present, Tidus, but need I remind you of how things went in the Thunder Plains?"
Perhaps the memories of being zapped were too fresh in his mind, for Tidus did not answer, but everybody knew how he had gotten an award from the Travel Agency for surviving a record-setting number of electrocutions.
Jecht seemed amused. His power decreased.
Oh boy howdy yay! Fight on, brave warriors!
We knew that we had to end Final Aeon Jecht's suffering. Almost unable to hear the Hymn he once so enjoyed in the days when there was less fur in his ears, and reduced to spending his time wiping out villages, the worst bit of it all was that he found it completely impossible to get a good haircut in Sin. It was really showing. A little bit of scruffyness on a human man was one thing, but the same proportional amount on a Final Aeon-sized body was something else altogether, and it was not winning him any women. The stakes were dramatically upped when Final Aeon Jecht ripped out his own sternum to use as a weapon, and yet again when the silly Yu Pagodas summoned a third static-electricity generator to suck up more turns. Auron was certain that this was some sort of battle tactic ... get on everyone's nerves, make your opponent less effective, perhaps?
But lo! Their plan only backfired, for it seemed that irritation brought Yuna into Overdrive mode! Time to bring out an aeon with a better coif and better damage. She flung her arms around in her favored dramatic summon motions, but nothing happened. "Huh?"
Tidus, beaten to the yellow and really hoping for a break so he could down a potion, or maybe fire off some Hastega and Cura, was displeased with this sudden turn of events. "Uh, Yuna? YUNA! Could you like, SUMMON something here!?"
"Rawr!!" howled the Final Aeon. "ZZZT," went the three Yu Pagodas. "I'm trying, I'm trying," cried the stressed Yuna. Wide went her arms in summon motion overdone, yet still, nothing appeared. "It's not working!"
"Try HARDER," Auron yelled as he pummeled a Yu Pagoda silly. "NOW is the TIME to --"
"I'm working on my damn story!" she snapped, sweat on her elegant brow. Did no one notice that she was, at least, still standing? No matter how her summon motions grew in elegance or expression, they still yielded no aeon. "OH. MY. YEVON," she shouted (with a demure, yet dazed look upon her face), for a thought (and Final Hairball Jecht) had just struck her. "This can only mean one thing!! Someone else is currently summoning this summon!"
Tidus could not believe it! "NO WAY! So what!? Don't they know that we're in the middle of a battle for Spira here?! You call them and tell them that you finished the journey first, dammit, and therefore, you get the ALL summons first! WAIT! Aeons are a product of the Fayth, right, and the Fayth are just dreaming it up, right, so why can't they dream up ANOTHER ONE for us to use!?"
Yuna, far more versed in the ways of the summoner, shook her head. "It doesn't work like that! Only one person can call the aeon at a time! So, unless they dismiss the aeon, we're screwed!" Tidus fell to his knees. He knew of only one other summoner in Spira who would have the guts to dare do something like this! "I BLAME DONAAAAA!"
"RAWR SMASH DIE," bellowed Final Aeon Jecht.
I've decided to play through the Final Fantasy games I own in reverse numerical order. We are revisiting IX, the one I play most often. Renaming Amarant "Asshat" continues to be a favored tradition.
Amarant: Some call me the Flaming Asshat.
Zidane: Fine. We'll call you Asshat.
Me: IT SUITS HIM SO WELL!!