One Who Wanders (abiona) wrote,
One Who Wanders

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Please use the other door. The other door. The unlocked other other door, please.

The past two days have been strange ones ... not almighty "WTF" days, but odd in various small ways. Yesterday, I was awake at 5:15 a.m. for no apparent or good reason, and the lightbulb in the room burnt out at approximately 5:16 a.m., also for no apparent or good reason.

I could not seem to pick the right door to get into the museum on that day, so instead I sat next to the fountain, and each time I looked into it, I saw something new. The first glance was the "surface" glance, noting the obvious presence of water. Second, I looked through to the glitter of mica in the basin. Third, I noticed the remains of leaves suspended in the liquid. That brought my attention back upwards for the fourth, bubbles. The bubbles led me to the fifth feature, the reflection of the sky. Looking through that brought me to the sixth and final one before I left, the presence of silt on the bottom, in a pattern generated by the fountain's waves.

I prowled around a retail area in the suburbs ... it reminded me a little bit of Grape Road back in Indiana, as it seemed like mostly recent development. Their sidewalks (when such expanses o' concrete existed) do not yet have the broken features bestowed by age, grass, trees, and countless feet. They also never seemed to end where you wanted them to; instead they liked to finish off a good couple hundred feet from where they really ought to. This meant that I was doing a lot of walking in the mud. Hills + Heels + Mud = Wow Ouch. Ouchy shoulders? Okay, I can handle it. Painful hips? Well, I'll start whining after awhile, but I can walk through it. Agonizing feet? Hell no! When I simply could not take it anymore, I got back on a bus. Somehow, though I was thinking that I had gotten on the right bus going the wrong way, I had in fact gotten on the right bus going the right way, and seeing downtown rather than the airport proved it.

The thing that I find really amusing about heels is that once you have removed them after a full day's wear, your feet feel like they're on backwards.


On a whim, I went looking for a person, only to find that she's gone from the internet. She did a very good job of removing herself, it was done with complete understanding of how capricious attention can be ... I assume that only the people she cared about at the time knew, and the rest of us remained unawares as she slipped away. I never knew or spoke with this individual ... so now, only a few broken links and a paragraph remain to hint that she was once there, that she's not just some fabrication of my memory.

Closer to home, Nairohe has deleted her LJ and her site ... though I can wholeheartedly support these actions, I find myself saddened in a way I find difficult to put into words. It reminds me ... reminds me that I, too, am to blame. Reminds me of how badly she wanted me to cosplay Robin before WHR hit the US ... reminds me of how she loved hosting my stuff ... reminds me of the roleplays ... reminds me of the picture she sent me ... reminds me how she was completely supportive of my not-very-pretty style ...

It's my fault. I have fallen away and grown distant from many of the friends I made while roleplaying at AnimeBoards. jaekyu unfriended me ages ago ... we just ... never talked anymore. I think I bored him ... I must've. I only ever seemed to talk about school, art, and roleplay ... school was so first and foremost in my life, we just couldn't connect anymore. I would tell him about school because I wanted to be connected, since that was what I did, but it didn't work like that for him. This happens ... all things come and go ... yet thinking about this makes me feel strangely lonely. They are (were?) my friends ... but I still feel empty. They were so important in my life, once. I remember being so happy that I knew them.


A very nice gal contacted me over AIM, saying she had lost my cosplay info and was wondering if I could link her again. I did so, and she began making inquiries about my Skuld costumes ... did I still have the retired version? I said yes, there were a lot of memories in it ... and when I could not sell it, she asked if I did commissions. I was honestly very flattered, but mostly floored. Me? Cosplay commissions? The thought had never before crossed my mind! I gave her a few links to folks I trust, and wished her good luck.

This is not the first time if someone has asked if they could buy my Skuld costume ... I wonder if I should put a note on the pages saying that neither versions are for sale? Right now, they have too many memories and too much potential in them yet for me to part with them.


I finally let myself think that I could indeed go to A-Cen ... and lo and behold, I got a "job." Kharma? It's only a part-time sales associate thingiemabobber, but it is 1.) better than nothing, 2.) not cooking for people, and 3.) not cleaning for people. It is not in a discount store, so in theory, the customers should be slightly better behaved. It's not going to be enough of an income to build great savings with, but I should be able to make rent on my own with it, providing the hours are available. Being just part-time, I'll still be able to look for other positions that do not involve retail. I don't know what my schedule is yet, though ... so hopefully there will be time or an accidental day off to go visiting erikadoor and Co. in Chicago for my birthday.

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