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28 April 2005 @ 11:36 pm
Please use the other door. The other door. The unlocked other other door, please.  
The past two days have been strange ones ... not almighty "WTF" days, but odd in various small ways. Yesterday, I was awake at 5:15 a.m. for no apparent or good reason, and the lightbulb in the room burnt out at approximately 5:16 a.m., also for no apparent or good reason.

I could not seem to pick the right door to get into the museum on that day, so instead I sat next to the fountain, and each time I looked into it, I saw something new. The first glance was the "surface" glance, noting the obvious presence of water. Second, I looked through to the glitter of mica in the basin. Third, I noticed the remains of leaves suspended in the liquid. That brought my attention back upwards for the fourth, bubbles. The bubbles led me to the fifth feature, the reflection of the sky. Looking through that brought me to the sixth and final one before I left, the presence of silt on the bottom, in a pattern generated by the fountain's waves.

I prowled around a retail area in the suburbs ... it reminded me a little bit of Grape Road back in Indiana, as it seemed like mostly recent development. Their sidewalks (when such expanses o' concrete existed) do not yet have the broken features bestowed by age, grass, trees, and countless feet. They also never seemed to end where you wanted them to; instead they liked to finish off a good couple hundred feet from where they really ought to. This meant that I was doing a lot of walking in the mud. Hills + Heels + Mud = Wow Ouch. Ouchy shoulders? Okay, I can handle it. Painful hips? Well, I'll start whining after awhile, but I can walk through it. Agonizing feet? Hell no! When I simply could not take it anymore, I got back on a bus. Somehow, though I was thinking that I had gotten on the right bus going the wrong way, I had in fact gotten on the right bus going the right way, and seeing downtown rather than the airport proved it.

The thing that I find really amusing about heels is that once you have removed them after a full day's wear, your feet feel like they're on backwards.

...

On a whim, I went looking for a person, only to find that she's gone from the internet. She did a very good job of removing herself, it was done with complete understanding of how capricious attention can be ... I assume that only the people she cared about at the time knew, and the rest of us remained unawares as she slipped away. I never knew or spoke with this individual ... so now, only a few broken links and a paragraph remain to hint that she was once there, that she's not just some fabrication of my memory.

Closer to home, Nairohe has deleted her LJ and her site ... though I can wholeheartedly support these actions, I find myself saddened in a way I find difficult to put into words. It reminds me ... reminds me that I, too, am to blame. Reminds me of how badly she wanted me to cosplay Robin before WHR hit the US ... reminds me of how she loved hosting my stuff ... reminds me of the roleplays ... reminds me of the picture she sent me ... reminds me how she was completely supportive of my not-very-pretty style ...

It's my fault. I have fallen away and grown distant from many of the friends I made while roleplaying at AnimeBoards. jaekyu unfriended me ages ago ... we just ... never talked anymore. I think I bored him ... I must've. I only ever seemed to talk about school, art, and roleplay ... school was so first and foremost in my life, we just couldn't connect anymore. I would tell him about school because I wanted to be connected, since that was what I did, but it didn't work like that for him. This happens ... all things come and go ... yet thinking about this makes me feel strangely lonely. They are (were?) my friends ... but I still feel empty. They were so important in my life, once. I remember being so happy that I knew them.

...

A very nice gal contacted me over AIM, saying she had lost my cosplay info and was wondering if I could link her again. I did so, and she began making inquiries about my Skuld costumes ... did I still have the retired version? I said yes, there were a lot of memories in it ... and when I could not sell it, she asked if I did commissions. I was honestly very flattered, but mostly floored. Me? Cosplay commissions? The thought had never before crossed my mind! I gave her a few links to folks I trust, and wished her good luck.

This is not the first time if someone has asked if they could buy my Skuld costume ... I wonder if I should put a note on the pages saying that neither versions are for sale? Right now, they have too many memories and too much potential in them yet for me to part with them.

...

I finally let myself think that I could indeed go to A-Cen ... and lo and behold, I got a "job." Kharma? It's only a part-time sales associate thingiemabobber, but it is 1.) better than nothing, 2.) not cooking for people, and 3.) not cleaning for people. It is not in a discount store, so in theory, the customers should be slightly better behaved. It's not going to be enough of an income to build great savings with, but I should be able to make rent on my own with it, providing the hours are available. Being just part-time, I'll still be able to look for other positions that do not involve retail. I don't know what my schedule is yet, though ... so hopefully there will be time or an accidental day off to go visiting erikadoor and Co. in Chicago for my birthday.
 
 
Current Mood: thirstythirsty
Current Music: "Holding My Thoughts in My Heart," FFVII
 
 
 
Katenyxdae on April 29th, 2005 03:48 am (UTC)
*feeling the karma vibes*
sleepykelvina on April 29th, 2005 04:53 am (UTC)
Randomly, if you are at ACEN, I will be there, dressed as a female wizard. Hopefully my apple of archer will stay on this time. XD
hypertechiehypertechie on April 29th, 2005 02:17 pm (UTC)
yeah for getting a job
it is amazing how even a slight job makes you feel more worth while, or it did for me. Also this gives you funds to continue your job search and have a bit of fun every once in awhile. When and where is ACEN? I really would like to go to another con, don't really think I want it to be Otakon- dispite wearing my shirt today, unless I gopher most of it, i enjoyed that, and if you go. Also there is the Kyle factor- he is already making plans to stalk me again. I would really need to get sewing if I go to another, and that would be the motivation that i need to get my sewing things unearthed and enjoying my hobby again. Hope all goes well with life, and one success always brings at least two more.
hypertechiehypertechie on April 29th, 2005 02:22 pm (UTC)
oh, one more thing
I understand what you are going through in the friend department. I too am feeling a bit withdrawn way out here in the east. Which is why we should talk to eachother more. do you have a new email address?
One Who Wanders: oh yeahabiona on May 1st, 2005 07:23 pm (UTC)
Re: oh, one more thing
parsleypower at gmail dot com. My MU one still works as well, but I don't really check up on it frequently. XD
Davidwhowantscookies on April 29th, 2005 02:30 pm (UTC)
Congrats on the part-time job. Now we have even more reason to celebrate this Saturday!
Fishkayay on April 29th, 2005 05:20 pm (UTC)
Ah, a lot has happened, although you oughtn't feel overly guilty about it all. I've come to accept that few thing, friendships included, last. The picture of two old biddies who were friends since grade school is as much Hollywood fantasy as the perfect romance; it happens, but it's a rare and elusive creature. To a lot of people, it's too much effort, and they carry on with a "meh" attitude in life.

Regarding Nair's site, it's a complicated issue -- filled with contradictions and conspiracies maybe? -- that wouldn't be appropriate to relate here. As for jaekyu I remember that friendslist spring cleaning, and he just seemed to cut it down to those he talked to most at the time. He's an odd bunny, but you know what? Maybe you'll discover you reconnect now better than before; it's been a while and people change, after all, sometimes for the better and sometimes, sadly, for the worse.

Congratulations, btw, on the job.
Emily: goddessetoileeyes on April 29th, 2005 05:29 pm (UTC)
Congrats on finding a job!!! ^_^
Congrats hun, I hope you enjoy your job as much as you can enjoy a part time job in retail. If you happen to be at Acen or in the Chicago area give me a buzz. I'll be at Acen in Artist Alley at acen so stop by and say hello if you manage to get there. Good Luck hun!
SDsado_nishi on April 29th, 2005 11:13 pm (UTC)
Congrats on the job. XD Btw. Do you ever go to any CA cons? Cause I'm probably going to hit up Fanime or AX. One or the other though... Too poor to go to both!

(And sorry I had to like... zoom out of your lovely chat invitation that day. It was double exp weekend on RO and being the dork I am, I was driving my cute little character insane. D: )
One Who Wanders: displeasedabiona on May 1st, 2005 07:22 pm (UTC)
I haven't yet, but I would love to ... when I am not this broke and/or live on that side of the country. Plane Ticket = More Money Than I Own. Someday!!! It shall happen!!!
Giang (yang): I don't know. ?????cometeoraine on May 1st, 2005 08:33 pm (UTC)
Congratulations on the job. I hope it goes well for you.

I used to be very aware of how I spend my money, but eversince money started pouring in for me, I lost perspective on how to manage them. But reading about your financial hardships reeled me back into what is necessary and what is not, and how grateful I am for my job/s.