I may not have outright panic attacks anymore, but I still internalize a ton of unnecessary anxiety. I recently designed a cute little postcard for work. I obsessively checked the USPS website for the proper dimensions, but I am still dying of paranoia that the Post Office is going to be incredibly anal and refuse to mail any of them because I was a millimeter off, or something like that. My supervisor will bury me under all 600 postcards and I will asphyxiate. She will give me 600 papercuts to represent every piece of paper that off measurement wasted. She will dock the bill 600 times from my paycheck. She will find a building that is 600 feet tall and threaten to push me off the side until I repent for not being up to par. Short of torture, I will have to die of sheer embarrassment.
Today, I have been cleaning up and clearing out. I have a tendency to pile up paper, particularly old receipts. (These are never stable, but ever since I moved to New City, old receipts turn red and sometimes spotty. It's strange.) My first solution to this problem was to create a Pseudo Filing Cabinet by labeling one of my ubiquitous cardboard boxes as such, but after several months of testing this out, it's got to go. It takes up far too much valuable floor area!
I have been shredding much of what it contained, but alas, there is yet more which I cannot get rid of (copies of an annual report that I helped design) or that I cannot bear to part with (two old sketchbooks). There are boxes of bad photographs that were not deemed worthy of scanning or putting in an album, but which I can't seem to dispose of (what if I need the negatives?). Where the heck is this material going to go? I'm totally out of drawer space. There's one that I could probably shove more stuff into, but it is on the bottom of a stack of drawers nearly as tall as I am. The sheer weight of the contents on top of it prevent it from opening, which is why there is not much in it to begin with.
I really need to convert from cardboard to Rubbermaid. Earl Grey was up here at two a.m. chewing on cardboard, hoping to get fed as a result (it got him chased out and the door slammed behind him). I am fairly sure that he does not gnaw on plastic.
... whoa, holy smokes, I have postcards that are addressed to the first house I ever lived in.
I had been saving bus passes and fortune cookie fortunes for a trash Lolita costume (oh, did I ever have plans for that!), but I'm never going to get around to it, so it is just trash taking up space. Bye-bye! Speaking of costumes, have you ever looked back on something you thought was brilliant, only to realize that it is anything but? It's a good thing fabric and finances prevented the completion of Fuu's final armor some years ago ... I "drafted" a pattern for the skirt, if my mutilation of bedroom sheets can be called that, but now I see that I neglected to include seam allowances. D'oh!
I finally got together the receipts I could find that had Rin materials on them. Approximate total cost for Rin (wig not included) is $150, which is not too far off my estimates. Good? Bad? I'm not sure. A significant portion of that was the seven yards of red cotton sateen I used, which I do not regret. It painted well and looked great. Speaking of paint, I'd better be careful when ironing Rin ... augh, I still need to finish the inner robe and the pseudo-obi! I just can't seem to get it into my head that A-Cen is next freaking week, not two weeks from now or right before my birthday like it's always been. I guess I know what I'll be doing this weekend! I shall be a slave to my sewing machine.
May wonders never cease! Given my lack of enthusiasm for the release and the fact that I have not logged in game for well over two weeks, I have come to the conclusion that I have absolutely no desire to purchase the Alt Urghan expansion for FFXI. My love of pirates is the primary reason for ever wanting it, but alas, Corsair is both bow-riffic and a gambler class, neither of which suit my tastes. Plus, that's money I could be saving!
The only thing preventing me from grabbing a chain saw and taking off my left shoulder at this very minute is the fact that I am definitely left-handed, and I would probably feel the lack of my sinister side more than the pain. Pain coping techniques ENGAGE! Rule number one: stress makes it worse. Therefore, I must stop stressing about the stupid postcards. USPS is not going to show up on my doorstep with 600 postcards. My supervisor will not force me to eat 600 postcards. Should embarrassment occur, I will live through it. Second technique: lie down for a minute! Sitting in a chair all day, typing away, does not help. Third technique: try massaging shoulder. Though it's never as nice as when someone else does it, hardly anybody ever does anyway, and at least I will never make kindly intended but awfully embarrassing remarks about how bony my shoulders are!
Why, you ask, do I not take painkillers? I suppose I could, but what is the point when discomfort is a part of daily life? I deal with some level of pain nearly every day, so I worry that I would grow accustomed to the effects of ibuprofen and no longer feel relief after a certain point. Were it life-threatening or debilitating, I would feel no hesitation in treating the problem with every method at my disposal. This, however, is one of those "what does not kill you only makes you stronger" sort of things. I'm lucky, after all, it could be so much worse. If my mother can walk on ankles never meant for it, then I can survive a cranky shoulder. I'll make my little arm motions and hope to stretch things out or pop things back into place. I have to deal. ... it's easier some days than others, though.
And now, for what seems to be another recent trend, I shall conclude with a moment of dorkery:
Anne's Top Five Favorite Anime/Manga Characters
Ashram, Record of Lodoss Wars: No list of mine could possibly be complete without the dark general of Marmo! Intelligent, cunning, and not to mention oh-so-handsome, the surprisingly moral Black Knight has been at the top of my list ever since I first saw Lodoss. He is a far more mature and complex character than the bumbling and excruciatingly irritating Parn.
Arslan/Arislan, Arslan Senki/Heroic Legend of Arslan: Most people who watch this series allow themselves to dismiss the young prince of Pars/Palse on account of his feminine design. While he may look girly (and most of the men do), he is a charismatic, kind and straightforward individual. He is clever enough to convince the greatest strategist in the land to join his ranks, honorable enough to earn the unshakable loyalty of the greatest general around, and strong enough to raise an army to regain his lost throne ... all at the age of fourteen! Give the boy some credit!
Millions Knives, Trigun: Let a kid name himself Knives, and what do you get? One hell of a troubled bastard, that's what. He's an anti-human, brother-torturing, unbalanced asshole, and I love him! A classic villain, Knives pulls no punches, ruining lives and making viewers uncomfortable at best. He uses his genius to the detriment of all around him for over one hundred years. Despite his twisted perception and enactment of logic vs. emotion, he does love his sibling to some degree, and there is hope that humanity may yet be saved from his persecution. Maybe. It'll probably take another hundred years at the very least!
Vahn Fanel, Escaflowne: Vahn has such a good heart, and that is what endears him to me. He's arrogant at first, and never is the best at expressing himself, but he grows into a strong individual capable of leading the reconstruction of Fanelia. He always tries to do the "right thing," though he sometimes takes that to the extreme. I appreciate his spine and stubbornness.
Anotsu Kagehisa, Blade of the Immortal: The young leader of the Itto-Ryu, Anotsu is brutally idealistic and unbelievably skilled. Though not without a sense of humor, he is usually quite serious, and his more "light hearted" moments are full of poignant irony. I have not read to the conclusion of the series just yet, but I have a feeling that tragedy awaits this brilliant young man. What a pity!
... I keep getting this nagging feeling that I need to mow the lawn.