October 24th, 2002

carefree, enthusiastic, good, look up, batty

(no subject)

My jaw should not still be hurting me ... >.o I wonder if what I felt when he injected the pain nullification stuffages the second time was what I was supposed to feel, or if maybe something got screwed up? The level of discomfort I feel varies ... sometimes my jaw only feels stiff or difficult to open up fully when I eat or move my lower jaw forward, and sometimes it really hurts for a second or two. Then I'll feel fine for awhile, and then it won't be fine after awhile. XP

I'm skipping the big LARP thing and the trip to see the SOFA show in Chicago in order to go to Erik's (very belated) birthday party. Although I'd really like to see the SOFA show, I do want to see Erik before he heads off to Russia for ages and forgets us entirely/I forget what he looks like. XP

I just realized that my film paper is due in a couple of weeks. I really need to be able to drive for some of these assignments that I'm getting ... it's difficult enough coordinating schedules with people when they're obligated to go, but when I'm asking a favor ... it's damn near impossible. XP I've made no headway on the roadkill project other than purchasing film, and although I bet I could write a three/four page paper on "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" based on reviews and my memories, I'd rather see it again just to make sure. But do any of my friends have time to go? NO! lol. They don't willfully procrastinate as much as I do. XD

I get the feeling that my roommate is angry with me, or at least annoyed. We haven't said a word to each other today. Maybe I should clean ...? No, wait, she's being snappish with her boyfriend on the phone ... I think I should just stay quiet, because things that are out of my control seem to be contributing to her mood.

nyxdae, I actually attended the recital for reasons other than whim this afternoon, but who am I to admit that vocally? XP As I said, my classes were canceled today due to the Senior Reviews, so I had an unprecedented chance to go to one ... and I went as per leohart8383's suggestion ... but alas, the certain individual I was hoping to see did not show up today. XP I even wore cool socks ... ;_; I should probably give up the ghost before I lose track of myself. I know nothing about him, and I do not know whether he's actually available or not. XP

Sometimes I want to say to some people - you admit to willfully deluding yourself in some respects, but your pride is another delusion - this choice of yours doesn't make you unique.

I went to Walmart with Stacey again last night ... apparently I have taken Christy's place as her crutch, which is both a good and a bad thing to me. Although I am glad that she considers me a friend and a support, I don't want to be a crutch, nor be considered a replacement. She also made some comment last night about how she knew me, and immediately I thought to myself, "you know me? You don't know me!" All we do is go to Walmart on occasion and see each other at club meetings. You don't see beyond what I present to you, and you interpret it in ways that are sometimes rather far from the truth. I wonder if you really want to get to know me ...? Things are very convenient the way they are now, I'll admit. I'm fun to be around, and there's no emotional baggage that binds you to me. You can get your people fix, and I ask for nothing in return.

I don't feel connected to her.

She is a fun friend, but not a true friend in the sense of one who knows me, or wishes come along on my journey to discover more. Those are hard and very rare to come by, it seems.

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It's not fair that you don't get a roommate, when I am constantly told that there is no other option for me (particularly because of the size of my room ... and guess what? Yours is the same size as mine!), and I am always assigned one if mine drops out (and never told about who I've been assigned). XP ::stops ranting::
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