November 13th, 2002

dumber every day, confused, braindead, burned out, stupid

Ack! It's the kenchunk episode!

Welcome, opheria. ^^

I feel more like myself when I read ... and I learn more about myself by doing art. My eyes are bloodshot and I'm sleepy all day long now, yet even so ... life, though stressful at times and packed full at others, is good. My thumbnails for my value variation assignment stink (they are two in number and are essentially scribbles which may describe anything from a piece of cheese to a pine tree), but I'm over a hundred pages further in The Tale of Genji, and I'm just about done with my portfolio which is due tomorrow. I have enough drawings, though not all of them have been sprayed with a fix ... but right now, the wind is rather intense for spraying drawings outside, and I dislike the scent of it which remains when you use it inside. So what the hell. I'll turn them in as is, and hope they survive the journey though my teacher's hands.

I'm kind of worried about this portfolio. Lyle grades harder than Mark did, and I missed an A by one point on the last portfolio, which I had infinitely more time to put together and work on. (He says that it's been five weeks since our last portfolio ... but I don't believe him. Even if it is true, it doesn't feel like five weeks at all!) I'm worried because I selected pieces that I liked ... and what I like is not necessarily what's good.

Well, we'll see what happens tomorrow with the critique ... I'm nearing my physical limit for this week, it seems. Tonight, as I sat down to draw, I could tell that I haven't been sleeping much this week, and I could also feel that my terrible eating habits were impacting my energy as well. It was so hard to focus ... so hard to continue to pay attention after the first few strokes. I kept on yawning and yawning, and it was more difficult than it should've been to open my eyes once I had closed them "for a rest." XP

I actually got comments on the jeans that I drew on Monday evening. o.O Some folks really liked the random design I put on there ... is it a good thing I have not washed them yet? They say I should bleach/dye the design into the fabric permanently. Can't decide whether or not I want to do that ... it might be too much effort. XD That, and it's really, really hard to find jeans that fit me the way I like. XP What if I screw up? TT; That pair doesn't have a hole in them yet ...

Speaking of effort, I've done more homework this year than in the previous four years combined, and yet I still feel as though I am not working up to my full potential, nor am I doing enough. XP

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