March 2nd, 2003

calm, composed, caring, loved, angelic

"So precious with line."

Inspired by silentkitty, I finally got around to making a new layout and updating Hammerspace. Feel free to take a look-see, particularly you, earthphoenix. Remember Ariai? She's baaack ... Eventually I intend to go through each section and pick the ones I like the best, and clear out the rest ... but that will have to wait until later, when I do not have an exam, a paper, and a presentation due (none of which have been started) in the next two days. (Yes, I should've started the paper long ago ... but time became really hard to interpret during February, and March was upon me far sooner than I expected.)

Mask your line, cover your trail. An unrealized accident, progress - that valued word. A few days ago, I realized that it was rather interesting how he pointed out how my physicality with the paper very nearly destroyed it ... considering that I just read in my contemporary art textbook of an artist who "[...] attacked the surface with a flamethrower" (226).

I will not quit art because of this man, but unfortunately he has thrown me quite off balance. I will once again have to find worth in what I do, and find my reason for doing it

On Friday night, I attended a "peace concert" for the hell of it - mostly because people have been telling me for some time that I should attend these things, and because I wanted to get out of the LARP meeting that I had found myself in. I kind of wished, once there, that I hadn't gone at all ... I rarely feel comfortable in these situations unless I am there with friends. I knew these people by face or by name, but none of them were close to me at all, and though I participated in some conversations, I felt rather disconnected. I sketched many of the people there, and some of the performers, for the hell of it. But once the music started, it was hard to hear anyone, and their "lighting effects" were driving me somewhat insane. During one group's performance, I began to feel worse and worse, more and more like I didn't belong quite anywhere. I saw couples together and hated them for it, saw people talking to others and wished that they weren't there, was annoyed by the fact that he seemed to be ignoring me. Deciding that I would just cause trouble for myself and others if I remained, I got up and left.

Upon entering my floor, I (re)discovered an entirely different world. The sheer vastness of the divide between the peace concert/alternative music group and those who party all weekend completely amazed me. I was flabbergasted by all the differences I saw - those in behavior, activity, music, clothing, etc. It was truly a strange, strange moment.
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