January 24th, 2005

looking back, melancholy, shadowed, beautiful

"If your company makes the noble sacrifice of hiring me, you'll save a vast amount of sanity."

I don't really know how long I've been off my medication at this point. I have absolutely zero grasp of time; since I have no schedule as I used to, the only way I recognize the day is because my computer tells me what it is. If my computer suddenly got smart and lied, I'd be screwed.

Some people say I am incapable of making rational decisions when I am not on medication. I disagree. In the years prior to taking medicine, I made a good deal of rational decisions and thus lived to see the day where I did take meds and made better decisions more often. Besides, if we're going to get technical about it, what is "rational" truly varies on the definition of the individual. If they said I was "incapable of making decisions in a pleasant mindset," however, I'd agree with that.

One thing I have noticed is that without meds, I have become significantly more irritable and prone to tears. I am to the point where I am screaming at resume sites which ask for information I don't know, or which fizzle out on me after I spend like, half an hour putting information into every little slot on the page. The Word program also causes me to shriek profanities at the computer and hit my keyboard in useless fury. The fact that my resume does not travel well from Word to other programs and looks really shitty and even worse than it did in Word to begin with causes me endless frustration. I am really pissy and about to cry right now. Word makes me want to cause physical harm to all things.

The lady at the bank is gone every damn time I call. Helloooo I want the job. ;_; The newspaper hasn't called me back either. HELLOOO CALL ME. It seems I may be doomed to being a secretary, or something.

As oneautumnday posted, I am unable to come to Katsucon. singingraisin and erikadoor, can we do our MKR group next year? I was really looking forward to it.

But in good news, I am moving in March, providing I don't bash my head in with my keyboard prior to that.
  • Current Music
    "Save Me," Aimee Mann