May 3rd, 2006

random, welding queen, kick-ass, plotting

"All Suffering SOON TO END!"

As I was walking down the street this morning, I encountered an impeccably dressed Jehovah's Witness. He was busy passing out little color pamphlets. Most religious groups who waste paper in this manner tend to concentrate their efforts in the apparent New City epicenter of sin, the universities, so it was a bit odd to see this fellow three miles away from that hotspot.

As I was sprinting towards the bus, I did not read the flier in much detail. I had taken it because I had no time to say "No thank you." I only had sufficient seconds to accept, smile, and run on. Upon boarding, I took a closer look. The text was not surprising in any way, it referred to "evidence" that it never supplied, quoted the Bible, and so on. The cover image, however, contained one feature so bizarre, it made my day.

It is one of those pictures that lack a sense of time because they draw the most recognizable features from all four seasons. The flowers are in bloom, the trees are in autumn flare, the sky is as clear as a summer day in the Midwest, and the mountains are capped with snow. There is a couple beaming in the foreground, and their features are as generic as their smiles are white. Before them sits a bounteous harvest of pumpkins and apples, both very wholesome articles with a homely appeal. Behind them stands a two-story log cabin, which the viewer assumes must be theirs, tucked into the evergreens, overlooking the rolling fields of golden grass. The effect is stiffly cheerful and pretty dull.

But what saves the picture is the two moose. Yes. Moose. One male and one female, presumably a couple just like the humans, and though they do not smile, we must believe that they are happy with their lot, because they are simply moose. They are grazing peacefully, like cows. Bovines would have been more appropriate in the setting, but moose have a more "rustic," "outdoorsy," or even "Canadian" connection to them, and they were probably chosen over moo machines for that reason.

Thank you, Mr. Witness in the ivory pinstripe suit, for giving me the best thing I've seen in a while. Long live moose!