June 6th, 2006

photography, elsewhere, undone, mysterious, statue

one entry in which Anne speaks more of "high maintenance" than she usually does in an entire year

I am sure that I have written of my feelings on this matter before, but it has not been recently, and I am not inclined to search through my journal's relatively distant past for it.

I never wear makeup on a regular basis; its use is limited to costuming, cosplay and "performances," which may include theatre, attendance at fancy events, or certain encounters with family. To be sure, a part of this is merely a matter of convenience. I would much rather sleep than primp in the mornings!

Why should I aspire to the Photoshopped ideals of society? I very rarely find common fashion, be it on the body or the face, to be appealing, and I do not wish to mold myself to fit it. Though I may be forever influenced by it (were women's alternatives to low-rise jeans available, I would probably not have resorted to boy's jeans from WalMart), I prefer to remain as much myself as possible.

The technology with which we can modify our forms has increased greatly. Surgery on the very structure of one's face, be it with a scalpel or an airbrush tool, is commonplace. We can color, inflate and remove with relative ease. By hiding some features while emphasizing others, makeup follows this path. I find the false hopes and the obsession with youth thus created to be profoundly disturbing. I suppose life would be pointless if we did not attempt to strive for something, but I have better things to spend my time on. I care little for courting the shallow, and I would much rather improve my heart or my mind.

This face is part of who I am, and I would like others to see it as is, regardless of what blemishes I may have on any given day. I cannot imagine attempting to disguise my true appearance from people I care deeply about. Furthermore, I already hide a number of emotional flaws, so I do not see why I should feel obligated to add to this burden by covering up my "imperfect" visage.


Final "Augh, wedding!" preparations are taking place this week. Accessories have been obtained, and my locks have been trimmed. Unfortunately, my stylist has now cut my hair several times in a row and has become bold. He asked me to stop putting my hair back with barrettes and the like, as the habit is causing breakage, which appears in the form of little wispy bangs that never go away. I hate hair in my face and in my way, though, so what to do? He suggested (dun dun dun) using hair products and a hair dryer. It seems I will never find a hairstylist who understands "air drying," nor one who is willing to believe that I have never owned a hot air hair gun. It goes against their profession, but I keep on hoping.

The problem here is that I have a habit I am not willing to change, mostly out of plain stubbornness and laziness. Ask me to weigh "sleep" with "blowdrying hair," or perhaps "eating breakfast" with "spending ten minutes styling," and I will, without hesitation, choose the former of each pair. This means that I either need to change "salons," as this will make it socially awkward for anyone to mention this matter to me, or I need to attempt, for the nth time, to grow my hair out long so I can pull it back in a greater variety of ways. The first would definitely be the easiest, considering how I have failed every go at long tresses since 2000. I do, however, like his haircuts, as they do not make me look like a scary soccer mom. What to do, what to do ...
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