calmI know he will do this, and he'll think this "gift" is really funny. He's a tacky idiot who has a track record of this sort of thing, and that's just the way he is. What's surprising to me is that I am not the least bit pissed off, irritated, or depressed about how history is going to repeat itself. Perhaps I'm finally putting things like this behind me. It's not that the situation is an insult to my worth as a daughter ... rather, he simply never understood the value of such a relationship to begin with, and it's too late for him now.
I was looking through old photo albums, and there were many pictures of a little me with him, clueless to what he was. At first, seeing these, I felt embarrassed by my lack of awareness. But then, I thought, there is no reason why should I find my childhood affection for my father reprehensible. After all, how could I have known when I was so young? I adored him and got along with him when I was the same as he - a child. When I grew older than he, all the pretend moments fell away until I could see that his heart, mind and soul were not big enough to fill his six four frame. He was still a boy in a man's body, unchanged and immature, while I was moving on.
It's not the same as finding ways to remember and utilize the creativity and responsiveness of childhood. If he had managed to reach adulthood while retaining these qualities, I would still be able to respect him. He is, however, merely a small person ... and his impact should reflect that.
