One Who Wanders (abiona) wrote,
One Who Wanders

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Working on The Plan to Take Over the World with Small Critters

Part A: Lobsters
1.) Flood the basement.
2.) Start a lobster farm.
3.) Grow two kinds of lobsters: one for eating, and one for arming with lasers (later).
4.) Build a Big Red Button.
5.) Use Big Red Button to destroy Maine.
6.) Corner the weakened lobster market.
7.) Profit. Get some lasers with the money and attach them to the Battle Lobsters.
8.) Attack Red Lobster chains nationwide. Recruit the freed lobsters. Take control of every last franchise!
9.) Continue to make money off all-you-can-eat shrimp nights. Use the money to buy heavy weaponry! Equip the freed (possibly genetically mutated) lobsters.

Ta-da, an army.

Part B: Tiny Cute Fuzzy Things
1.) Recruit squirrels, chipmunks, hamsters, etc.
2.) Train them to steal coffee beans.
3.) Secret operatives will use instrument and laptop cases to carry teams of cheek-stuffing rodents into Starbucks across the world.
4.) Negotiate a deal in my favor when Starbucks realizes a.) where their beans are going, and b.) I have them all.
5.) Profit! Use the perpetual proceeds to start and maintain a satellite system.

Presto, spying capabilities!

Part C: Penguins
1.) Station a ring of fighting penguins around the borders of Antarctica and the Arctic.
2.) Work more on this part.

I was thinking about building a Decoy Secret Base in Antarctica, but there's just way too much shoveling to do down there, so no one would ever believe me if I said I was there.

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