It's just ... it's odd, sometimes, how anime has influenced my vision. Watching Trigun, watching Rurouni Kenshin, I think - its true, I can be a better person. There are moments when these characters make me stop and wonder, breath held. Why, they could be right. There is wisdom in this way of thinking. Can I make it part of my own?
I used to find myself crying sometimes when I said "I don't know" in answer to any question even if I knew it, or when the words were true because my mind could think of nothing. But if "the ticket to the future is always blank," then it need not always be this way. I can change.
There are so many people to look up to. I really admire many characters in anime for many different reasons - Vash, Rem, Kenshin - and I look up to the evil characters for their endurance, their intelligence, and their determination. Zeal, and yet a calmness ... this they possess, this I desire. And in real life, as well, there are people to look up to and admire. I think of my mother in particular. She persists despite sorrows and lives on - physical barriers, emotional distress ... these things she knows, but she still overcomes them. And she is happy. She helps others, and she helps me.
I wish to be like these people. I wish to change things, and not just for myself. I want to change things for other people too - I want to make things better. I want to have an impact.
I also realized this evening that this is the second day in a row that I've forgotten to take Zoloft, and despite that, I feel quite fine. I can't really tell much of a difference at all between when I am taking it and when I am not. O_o Go figure.
Heard it on the radio tonight - "it is far better to be effective than it is to be right."