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15 July 2002 @ 06:58 pm
Gyah! I'm so confused, in such a silly way. ._. Here I am, discovering entirely new tools in Painter Classic that I never knew existed, and really just squealing happily over the fact that I could create at least the appearance of texture on the computer (I pratically jumped when I found the pastel option) ... and then I find that one artist I admire and would like to learn from uses the exact same program to create these beautiful smooth things that I don't believe I could replicate, not with this "eee, texture!" desire I have. ._.; What to do, what to do? Try to be like her? I love her style to death. But ... but ... dammit. TT;

I found my last portfolio grade from spring semester by a weirdly ironic accident ... "Your work speaks volumes ... keep experimenting, and don't be afraid to be yourself." Gosh, I love Mark (the teacher who wrote that). He's great at what he does and how he interacts with his students and with their work. But I am afraid to be myself. I'm so afraid of being wrong, of never being liked.

And although I like the option of as many damn layers as you need in Photoshop, I feel that it somehow limits me in expressing things, by holding me to the "line." I like the energetic feel of lines, but at the same time, I want to do other things. Because of the feel of holding the pencil (or stylus, or whatever it is that you write with on the damn tablet) is so strongly associated with lines for me, I feel like I can't escape doing the same thing in Photoshop, over and over again. It feels wrong to me, because I can't stick my hands in it and move what's going on.

My sketchbook smells like campfire smoke, and I can't find the rant that I was sure I had written in it. o_o

Gyah, gyah.

I've gotten a lot of support over at The Artist's Cafe concerning a webcomic, but I had a sudden realization the other day that I would rather write it, and I know that if I did that, I would probably never successfully turn it into a webcomic. I incorporate way too many details and adjectives and such in my writing ... to hope that I could accurately translate such into my drawing style, particularly in a format in which I am not used to holding to, is foolish.

I just don't know.

I'd love above all things to be successful on the Internet, but something isn't meshing for me. I feel unsatisfied both because I am not "popular" and because I want to be. Dammit.
Current Mood: unhappy
Current Music: "All the lovely people ... where do they all come from?"
fcotte davydde hammehacque, esq.czircon on July 15th, 2002 05:55 pm (UTC)
I think you could create a pretty amazing webcomic if you put your mind to it. It might take some experimentation to get used to the format, but I think the results would be worthwhile. Your art style is perfectly suited to it; expressive and interesting to look at. I recommend at least playing around with it a bit and seeing how it turns out.
Silvermasksilvermask on July 15th, 2002 07:43 pm (UTC)
I think your webcomic idea was great XD

And by all means, be yourself. If someone has a problem with that, they're just stupid. At any rate, if you don't be yourself, that doesn't really leave many other options, now does it?

Dominiedomkitty on July 16th, 2002 05:46 am (UTC)
Oh geez, don't make the same mistake I did. I wanted nothing moe than to be popular and successful on the net, that's why I made so many fan sites, it was something to start from. Eventually I realised that to make any kind of impact, I'd have to do something else, something different, something MY OWN. Under no circumstances fall into the trap of trying to be like someone else. You find yourself unfulfilled because then you aren't yourself.

Eek, that was a bit mangled. I really ought to be awake enough to make sense by now
Kain aka That Evil Guynanikore on July 16th, 2002 01:24 pm (UTC)
It's probably not easy, but give the reverse a try...

Do what you like, and then be successful later. Popularity would just be an icing on the cake.

Philosophical debates are meaningless on the whole, but it never fails to show me the unoriginality of thought that prevails- Most people either regurgitate that they've read in the past, or utter some half-baked thoughts. When surrounded by them, I can't help but feel superior and great.

Hey, feeling good is what I want, and that's what I got. Can't knock that. (I don't have to hurl insults like some of them do; just leave them be and they'll make a fool of themselves soon enough)