One Who Wanders (abiona) wrote,
One Who Wanders

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I've been taking my meds each day, but just now I came to the realization (again?) that I just don't feel any better. I'm feeling pretty damn lousy right now, in fact.

I hate the way we just exist in the same room. I hate the way I think that she's just tolerating my presence because we were thrown in the same room together, and she likes the room itself (not me) enough not to leave it. We're not friends, we're not enemies, we simply sit there and don't say much to each other. What could we say? I wish she could talk to me about something that I could relate to. I'm sorry, I don't have a boyfriend to miss. I haven't had a best friend in years. I don't miss home. I can't discuss the latest issues of Cosmopolitan and MTV eventually annoys the hell out of me. She doesn't watch anime. She doesn't really touch video games. She's got a lot of friends, and few worries. She shops frequently. She buys belts. I haven't gotten a new unnecessary item of clothing that I can recall in about a year or more. I don't own a single belt. Very few of my clothes are tight-fitting, and all of hers hug every curve that she possesses. She has a better figure than I do. Every phone call is for her. I believe my father called once for me, and that's been it.

I know this is such a small, trivial thing, but it really bugs me when I'm playing music on my computer, and she turns on her radio so loudly, or when I'm playing a video game with music that I love, and she turns on the radio so loudly again. April Lavigne annoys me. That idiotic piece of shit that has the lyrics "It's getting hot in here/So take off all your clothes" just pushes all the wrong buttons, especially when it's played so damn often on every damn station because dammit, people have no taste. The radio stations themselves irritate the bejeezus out of me. I don't want to listen to their music or to the news. I can't study when she's playing her music. I have to leave. Not like I've been doing a whole damn lot of it, but I have been doing some.

I didn't sleep well again last night, and my pillow is quite deformed right now because of the pressure I was applying to it in my sleep. I don't know why. I bent my longest nail backwards today, and I'm remembering that I'm just going to have to cut the damn things now if I ever expect to use charcoals and pastels without injuring myself.

The more I think about it, the more I'm disappointed with the way Non-Western Art History is being taught. Basically when we are introduced to a new "unit" she will give a lecture lasting one (occasionally two) class periods. The rest of that "unit" will be students acting as "resident experts" on these books/cultures that we were assigned. I'm really disappointed that I didn't get any of the Japanese culture sections, because dammit, I don't trust the rest of the class to do a good job. -_- We're college students!

People, will you stop telling me to date somebody already!? Dating is (at the very least) a two-person activity, and wow, would you look at that, there seems to be no one wanting to consider such a use of time with me. I'm already well aware that I am not dating anyone, and have never dated anyone. So stop reminding me.

I feel so ugly.


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