One Who Wanders (abiona) wrote,
One Who Wanders
abiona

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I've been trying to write this entry for three or four (maybe five? When the hell was the last time I updated?) days by this point. Cripes! It really shouldn't be so hard to find the time to write a simple journal entry when I'm not even doing all that I could or should. >.>;

Yay. I have a permanent account now that I paid for myself, so I feel happily independent. XD I've uploaded some new icons ... only one of the new ones is a doodleicon at the moment, but that's probably going to change in the future, when I have acceptable doodles on hand. I just kind of wanted to be able to select the particular moods that I keyworded the new icons to, even though they are not the final selection. I'm going to have to come up with my own image for the "orange!" mood that I want, though ... ::plots::

She has more (expensive) fish this time around, plus better equipment. We shall see.

I am pretty much broke right now, but it's a happy broke. ^_^ I found and bought ChronoChross, Final Fantasy Tatics, FFVIII, and FFIX for less than eighty dollars. ^_^ (Note - do not tell me that I could've gotten a better deal here or there on the Internet, I don't want to hear it.) I don't know when the hell I expect to play them, though ... for example, I've borrowed this Evangelion Death and Rebirth DVD for nearly two straight weeks now, yet I have very barely made it through half of it. I'm hardly ever here anymore, it seems ... my mother sent me an email saying "ET ... phone home ..." but the problem is, I'm never home enough to phone!

I did manage to find a FFVII guide. ^.^

It was a very tough decision, but whim and some mentions of KareKano by friends led me to purchase KareKano (His and Her Circumstances) over Hellsing. While leaving the store, I was preparing myself to regret my decision (what the heck am I doing, purchasing high school angst over vampires?), but I'm enjoying KareKano thoroughly at this point. I've only worked my way though the second episode, but already I've cried. o_o I like the disjointed feeling that the series has at times, and I particularly enjoy Yukino's many highly animated expressions (especially the "evil" ones).

Let's see ... how to work today's gibberish into the gibberish that I've been typing on and off for nearly the past week? Well, hell, there's nothing like randomness! So, as I was saying ... on Wednesday, not including my classes, I spent eight hours in the fine arts building. Seven of those I spent working on my damn patternlicious rhythmic project, which is still not complete (gak!). An hour was spent on my figure drawing assignments, which really should take four per piece, instead of one for both. XD ::sweatdrop:: I was getting pretty pissed and tired by the end of the entire ordeal, and so I began writing messages on my drawings again. "This is my most challenging, loved class ... it should be my focus, not my fear."

When you turn these assignments in, he calls you over if he thinks that there's something that needs to be discussed (and guess who got called over?). He said that he thought that I was being harsh on myself ... and that perhaps I should wait to pass such evaluative judgements as "good" or "bad" (which are relative anyway) until I had more drawing experience under my belt. The more I think about it, I really haven't been drawing for very long ... certainly not drawing with any amount of seriousness. (He also said that I seemed to have a good grasp on the gestural technique. WOOT!)

So ... it all comes down to a matter of trusting myself. This is my deepest, most intrinsic problem. It is the base from which my other problems spring.

When I think about things that need to be done ... if I go by deadline, then the Dec needs to be worked on before anything else. But if I go by my heart ... I'd rather draw or find myself in the Mac Lab, perfecting text nesting, than in that basement, laying out the Dec pages. My family wants me to quit after this issue, with no guilt, and no regrets. Am I capable? My mother in particular is unhappy that they caused/wished me to question myself so deeply ... since prior to discussing it with the editors, I had felt firm.

I had a dream the other night ... but I can only remember disconnected fragments of it. At one point there was a breathing competition, or something of that nature ... part of it was you had to take in one very disciplined breath to a count, and release it on the count. The two competitors in this game were some guy and yours truly ... he cheated, but nobody would believe me when I said that he cheated, because they thought I was lying in order to win. Bastards.


How Emotional Are You?

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Freezer. You feel nothing and wish to feel nothing so you find peace in the way you think, however, your emotions are more nuetral than balanced. Coldness and tolerance can be the ways of a passive heart.

I'm just going to post this thing before it takes me another three days to get around to it.
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