One Who Wanders (abiona) wrote,
One Who Wanders

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"I am not as voiceless and as directionless as my words make me seem!"

It seems that the less I bother to speak with real people, the less capable I become of verbally expressing thoughts which are closer to myself than any other. "Fun" ...? What is fun? I don't mean roller-coasters, nor do I mean parties. When those drawings were "fun" for me, they were something that I enjoyed being a part of, even if the end product was merely average.

I say that as a perfectionist, I am afraid of not being perfect or not being "good," but that is inaccurate. Rather, I am afraid of someone telling me that I cannot continue in art for whatever reason - because I can't speak, or because I am average, or because I am too anime-influenced for my own good. Part of what drives my desire to be "excellent" is this fear. If I am anything less, will they get in my way? Will they stop me from trying to do art? Even if I embarrass myself ... even if I am nothing compared to everyone else ... I would rather do art than anything else.

I have been happier as "an art student" than I have been in general for many years now. I enjoy going to classes, feel as though there's still some possibility for me in so many different regards - I care now about what happens, where I used to be utterly apathetic ... and I am no longer worried that I will be driven into a 9 - 5 desk job filing papers and running errands for somebody else.


I was thinking earlier of a conversation that was/is occurring in the FFVII community ... the one that I haven't really had time to respond to lately, but I guess it doesn't matter, since the other participant decided that she was lacking time, as well. ^^; It started off as being about Sephiroth, but it turned quickly to the question of morals and moral relativisim/absolutism. I am not sure whether there is even a point in responding ... it's not the original subject, and is therefore off-topic (fear my AGV habits resurfacing!) ... and this is one issue that very few individuals compromise on. I don't seek agreement in the sense that everyone has the same viewpoint, but I do seek agreement in the sense that even if we don't believe that "the other" is correct, we can still accept their opinions.

It's dangerous to see the world through soft, rose-tinted glasses like that [...]

I am a moral relativist in action, but I don't believe that I am seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses because of it. I was raised as an "average middle class American," and thus there are things that I personally would not consider doing. To me, and to the culture I am a part of, there are "rights" and "wrongs," but I don't feel that I can force what I think is a right/wrong on someone who is from another place/time/world either in word or action. I don't feel like I can condemn someone else for their beliefs.

And there are some things hidden within us that I feel makes it difficult to attribute an absolute like "bad" to greed. The American culture has become increasingly materialistic, but for a variety of reasons which are not always in the control of the individual. Are these individuals "bad" for unconsciously being greedy? Are they "bad" for supporting their psyche by actions that we can term greedy?

It seems that my moral relativisim came across as saying that Sephiroth isn't a villain. I know that he is. But just because he's a villain doesn't mean that there's not some reason for what he does, and ... oh, I don't know ... I feel like throwing my hands up in the air when these things arise.

I hate it when arguments like these come up ... because I get the sensation that the other individual is disgusted with me for "being ambivalent," when that's not all there is to me, nor am I actually "ambivalent" to begin with. ._. I kind of feel like I'm being oversimplified ... but am I oversimplifying them as well?

Also be careful with your claim of "Good is relative. Good depends on the person, the context, and the culture in which it is used." That kind of thinking leads to things like September 11th - because an entire culture following bin Laden believes this good.

But it's true. "Good" may be an absolute, but the definition of that absolute is a relative thing, and this is not what led to September 11th. Saying that's what led to September 11th is oversimplyfing the entire event, so to speak. I know that this is an impossible dream, but I almost wish that September 11th would never come up in an argument ever again ... because that's like pulling out the most potent, effective silencer ever. What can you say to it? There are so many emotions, people, and lives involved that it seems like it halts everything.

I feel like I'm asking for the development of a negative argument by even mentioning these thoughts here. ._.

In other news, I'm going back to work tomorrow afternoon. Whee?

  • (no subject)

    I'd say I burned out on LJ there, but I wasn't exactly on fire to begin with ...

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