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20 October 2002 @ 10:17 pm
I'm currently updating from the Mac Lab here on campus, because Marvin is not yet equipped to access the university network (he lacks Novell and Groupwise). It may be a couple more days before he is capable of doing so, though I hope Academic Tech will not be tardy in their installation work once I turn him in ... I do have homework which needs to be done.

I'm in the middle of a panic/anxiety attack, and it prevents me from focusing clearly. My chest is tight, my throat clogged, my behavior uneasy, and my mind worried sick. I should be studying for my Non-Western Art History midterm, but concern over an assignment that I will not have done tomorrow for my second class drives me insane and far from the canons of Chinese ink painting. I had thought that because of the drastic alteration in schedule (teacher's wife had a baby), we did not have to have it completed ... but here is someone from my class, working on the very same assignment. Was I wrong? What will happen to me if I don't have it done? Will I be embarrassed in class? What about my grade?

There is no "get it done tomorrow morning before class," because there is no time tomorrow. No time, Mondays are busy busy; they keep me running from 8 to 10 with small breaks for meals ... and I have a large amount of homework due on Tuesday that needs to be done Monday night, as well. What should I do? What should I do? I feel like I'm going to implode.

Given that they increased my Zoloft dosage due to the bad times I've been having recently (I guess the larger amount hasn't kicked in yet? Must not've. Hello, PANIC, PANIC), I have this paranoia that if my moods continue to deteriorate, they'll start drugging me up on more potent things until I can't see straight anymore.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: ... I have no idea what it is ...
Diminuendo Arpeggio: neutralamir03 on October 20th, 2002 09:35 pm (UTC)
What will happen to me if I don't have it done? Will I be embarrassed in class? What about my grade?

If believest canst get it all done, then canst probably get it all done. Worrying can't do anything but diminish the probability of such an outcome.

What should I do?

What shouldst do? Prioritize the assignments and make a schedule, alotting generous amounts of time to the big ones. Structure makes things run more calmly, even if just minisculely more, in my experience. Also, prepare thyself to receive and deal with whatever experiences may follow the next day in ways -reasonable-, -pragmatic-, -healthy-. Just do thy best with prudence and structure and -accept- that what will come will come, and that the more focused art, the better affectest that.

Bid I farewell to thee.
One Who Wanders: blahabiona on October 21st, 2002 10:33 am (UTC)
Never fear, my initial assumptions were correct - we did not have to do anything on the assignment for today.

What should I do? Asking this question and finding no way to accomplish what you know is the answer is - this is a symptom of a panic attack, to me. I'm feeling better now. XP

Marvin is in Academic Tech right now. I hope to come back on AIM soon. XP