Tomorrow is Mac Lab day for me (I need to do laundry, now that I think about it ...), since a comp of this project is due on Monday.
I swear, the only thing that everyone took away from The Matrix was the phrase "there is no spoon," even if they didn't get it. I wonder if they'll find some way to say it again or reference it in the sequels ...?
Which Action Star Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty
Erik canceled his party this evening due to unexpected out-of-state-ness, which kind of irritates me. I had been looking foward to meeting everyone again ... we always seem to have more fun when we're in a small group. I had skipped on the SOFA show trip which I had really wanted to attend, in order to go to his party ... and now it's not happening. XP
I got a call from a gal who invited her to her Halloween party this evening, but I didn't want to go ... last time, I think I was the only one there who wasn't drinking ... there wasn't anything for me to do, no one for me to talk to ... so I didn't have a good time. I said that I was pretty tired (which I am), and that I didn't want to ruin the mood of her party by being a blotch on the scene (which I probably would be, since I prefer not to drink).
You know you've reached a new low of nutritional value when Easy Mac is the most fragrant thing that's been under your nose in awhile. >.>;
I cleaned my room tonight, which usually seems to be a fairly certain sign that I am searching for something (in a more figurative sense). Lately, I've been finding myself brimming with useless, unutilized, anxious energy ... energy which manifests itself as "hyperness" or strange laughs, when ... that's not what it really is ... it's something I need but can't harness, something that bubbles to the surface out of my control.
I've forgotten to take my medication two nights in a row (I did take it tonight, though), and I wonder if the way I've been feeling recently is a result of that, or a result of that mood that never really lifted, or a result of something else. While lonely, I often feel like screaming "leave me alone," and I feel visually repulsive and ineffective. My skin keeps fluctuating between "iffy" and "awful," no matter what kind of effort I put into it. Right now I have this mountain of infection on my cheek ... I had been hoping that it was lessening in intensity slightly, but today, it decided that no, no ... it really wanted to become even more obvious than it already was. I hate my face, it never cooperates. -_-
I tend not to wear makeup because I feel that it is, in some ways, a lie. If someone was attracted to the appearance of me with makeup ... they would not be attracted to the real me. The makeup version would not be what they would really be getting if they pursued me. I don't want to buy more stuff that's going to last me for over five years when they recommend you throw the stuff out after some months. I tend not to wear makeup because so many people use it to hide flaws ... and most of the time, I don't think that there's much of a point for me to try to hide things like that. They're too clearly visible ... sometimes they're of such a state that makeup would only make the act of attempting more apparent.
I finished FFIX and began FFVIII this afternoon/evening, on which I had several things to say, but for the most part I've already said them in fragmented form over AIM to those who are usually interested in such rants ... I'm kind of tempted to go into some musing now, but ... I may wait awhile on that, considering what time of the day it is.
amir03, in regards to your question once, a long time ago - I think part of the reason why I like some songs more than others is because they invoke conflicting emotions within me - on the one hand, they make me happy because of the beauty of the sounds, the chords/dissonances ... yet, those very same sounds can make me feel melancholy because of their mood or context. I like some songs more than others because in my head, I can envison things happening.