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19 February 2003 @ 10:44 am
If I didn't care, I wouldn't be there every damn day.  
I feel choked, irritated; am I truly slamming my head into a brick wall, or am I merely imagining the wall into existence?

He says (via my advisor) that what I need to do is really listen to his criticism, and try try try to put what he says into effect (so if I haven't been doing that, what have I been doing?). When he gives me names of artists, I need to look them up that very day, instead of doing other stuff that's due. I had interpreted this as a "suggestion" to look into this person or that person, giving me a bit more leeway as far as punctuality goes.

Though he hasn't spoken to me in awhile, I suspect that he thinks I don't care enough (???). My advisor has told me that for the next month, until sophomore reviews pass and I am accepted as a BFA, I have to go all out. No more stopping when I tire. I must keep going regardless of my energy level ... because I have to.

Part of me dreads going all out again, like I did in high school. I really screwed myself up by the end of high school ... year after year of giving, but not receiving in return; rest attained nothing and burnout was inevitable. True, it is only a month of it this time around, instead of four years ... but still, I worry.

But I have to. So will I do it?
Current Mood: moodymoody
Current Music: "Leila's Feelings," Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust
ex_jean on February 19th, 2003 10:04 am (UTC)
Only if it's really worth it. :hug: You can go all out without beating yourself to death, regardless of what anybody else says.

I get tired of looking at other artists' work, being compared to that work, then being expected to "do better" than that work... people tell me they want something different, but they only want what they want, which is usually the work of that artist, not you or me. It's a cruel standard, tolerable in small amounts if the person doesn't really realize it, but completely intolerable when you know they know better. Like, oh, every art teacher I've had so far. -_-a

Mostly... I find myself saying "to hell with it" and making purposely tacky artwork. And they love it. Makes me smile and cringe at the same time, but... whatever. We've got our whole lives to do the real work, to take the time to be real artists... so work for school is just that.
Kain aka That Evil Guynanikore on February 19th, 2003 10:21 am (UTC)
this reminds me of something

How many art classes did Van Gogh take?

How many philosophy classes did sophocles take?
Alexander Williamszamiel on February 19th, 2003 04:06 pm (UTC)
You have placed your finger directly on the most important fact in the world.