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03 April 2003 @ 12:33 pm
I have resolved to ignore Mr. K as much as I can. I left lunch this afternoon before I caused an argument or a scene, and I think I would just be a lot less annoyed if I didn't listen to his constant complaints. It's a beautiful day, and I know good people. They are offering a Modern Japan course next semester. Things are looking up, and I'd rather not relive old angers.

Is this what I was like when I was at my most unhappy? It's a miracle my friends didn't abandon me. It's a miracle they were able to tolerate me.

You know what, Mr. K? Your own attitude has assured you of a course that you will never, ever be able to leave. You make yourself miserable, see the misery in the world, and become more miserable still. You, despite opportunities afforded you that you probably don't deserve, will never get anywhere. You will never be happy, because you won't let yourself see happiness. You dream of it, you speak of it, but you don't know what it really is for you.

Furthermore, I would like to say that you do not sit at lunch with this group, and proceed say that you haven't met any human who restores your faith in humanity, or has given you a reason to like humanity. By doing so you lump my friends and I in with the preps and the twits, the murderers and the thieves, the shallow and the callous. You say that we think and act like everyone else you've ever met.

I don't think so.

We've shown you an extraordinary measure of kindness. We put up with you, we invite you into our group even when you declare that you will pull away, though you never really do. We talk to you and greet you on campus. You benefit from our presence.

With your remarks, you are insulting me. You are insulting our efforts to make friends with you, to help you. Worse still, you are insulting my friends. With each sentence that comes out of your mouth, I am less and less wont to maintain a pleasant atmosphere. If you won't have the kindness of tact in your speech, why should I be kind to you with it?

There is nothing I can do to help you. None of us can. We can't offer you tips for a major that you'd like, because you already hate everything. We can't offer you a different way of life, because you hate everything, are content hating everything because it's what you've always done and it's what is easiest to do, and hate that you hate everything. You hate hate hate hate hate.

And I can't handle that. I'm sick of it.
Current Mood: irritatedirritated
Current Music: sounds of daily life
aethene on April 3rd, 2003 03:46 pm (UTC)
You say "wont" a lot. =P
jaekyu on April 3rd, 2003 09:56 pm (UTC)
Haven't you ever felt faithless before Sakaki? Being vindictive to this guy will be a quick cure, but maybe if you didn't give up on this guy so fast, he might soften up. Some people are just cynics by nature, some or melodramatics too. Granted, I don't know the details of the situation, but some folk are just really hard to crack...
One Who Wanders: annoyedabiona on April 4th, 2003 06:05 am (UTC)
I urge you not to identify with this guy.

Give up so fast? It's been nearly the entire school year.
Katenyxdae on April 4th, 2003 09:33 am (UTC)
He's a special case. There are times when he opens up and is happy and funny and amusing to be around, but he gets so stressed and conflicted that he degresses back into despair and takes it out on his situation, those around him, and himself.
One Who Wanders: darkabiona on April 4th, 2003 01:26 pm (UTC)
I realize this, but I still don't appreciate being on the end of his unhappiness. I've never liked to take that kind of anger from anyone other than myself. I can handle the occasional spat, but it isn't "every now and then" with him, and it gets on my nerves.

Friends can do such things to me and escape (until it becomes a daily feature of conversation, whereupon I lose my temper). Those who have never been friends with me are walking a thin line.

I don't like being treated like that, even if he doesn't realize what he's doing, even if there are reasons for his behavior. I firmly believe that I should not have to be "friends" with someone regardless of their background or behavior.

For example, I was sexually harrassed in sixth grade - my teachers kept on telling me that I had to keep on being friends with him and be nice to him, because he was a troubled child from a bad family. I was told that I should be friends with him because I was "a good person."

I don't think so. I don't want to play a martyr or a "good person" if it puts myself or others in trouble or danger. I'm not going to sit around to be a victim, and it pains me when others take it willingly.
Katenyxdae on April 5th, 2003 07:48 am (UTC)
I was just telling the others about his other side...The guy is a lost cause until he realizes he needs professional help and goes to get that help.

I don't know what your teachers were thinking...I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Kain aka That Evil Guynanikore on April 4th, 2003 11:07 am (UTC)
If Mr. K is someone who complains to you in RL face-to-face, then it's one heckuvalot harder to ignore than somebody who complains online
One Who Wanders: botheredabiona on April 4th, 2003 01:29 pm (UTC)
Tell me about it. This will have to be a case of "bad listening" or "selective attention" ... I hear, but at the same time I don't.
jaekyu on April 4th, 2003 03:42 pm (UTC)
Hoi then, beat his ass ^_^